It was a dark and stormy night.

It was a dark and stormy night when Schurft the Rat Hero rode into town under cover of darkness. The village of Pelis was a quiet and peaceful village sleeping in the lingering daylight. The cute white stone houses formed a rough semi-circle around a high promontory on which the legendary lighthouse of Pelis sat. For aeons the lighthouse had shone and it was said that if it were ever to go out great evil would befall the land. So the people of Pelis worked ever to keep the lighthouse lit, accepting their charge with stoic resolution.

Penny wiped the sweat from her brow. It had been a long day in the fields of her cruel stepmother and now at the closing of the day she had been tasked to carry vittles up to the watchmen of the tower. Worse she had not been allowed to bring Eeyore her favourite donkey but instead forced to pull the cart by hand. Even after all this she could not bring herself to hate her stepmother, for the woman had taken her in long after both parents were dead from plague. Ever since a baby Penny had had a fear of rats for it was said that plague rats had bitten both her parents and caused them to grow sick and die. Still it was a long way up the cliffs and there was a storm coming.

Suddenly a storm came and lashed the cliffside. Penny rant to the shelter of the lighthouse and huddled under its porch as rain bounced of the ground and lightning laced the sky. The thunder made Penny shiver with fear. She banged on the door with all her might
“Open up!”
But the door opened by itself. Penny pulled open the door and peered inside. Normally here on the ground floor there was a cheery fire going and Pete, the old watchman would greet her. But it was all dark inside, darker still than the night outside. A flash of lightning scared Penny and she jumped inside, pushing the door shut behind her. She was bathed in darkness and fumbled around for a candle. Finding one she lit it and held it up to the light. A cold angular face greeted her with cruel eyes, crueller even than her stepmother’s.
“Why so serious, child?” said Angri the dark elf. He stepped fully into the candlelight. Angri was almost six feet tall and with ears as sharp as knives. Penny had heard the stories of dark elves. She had heard they would torture their victims to death and could leap through shadows with black magic. Angri had a knife that dripped with blood. Penny could see now the outline of a figure slumped before the cold hearth. She closed her eyes with fear not wishing to know what she now knew.
Angri laughed cruelly “The old man was not much sport but you may be pleased to know he mentioned you before the end. Oh what things he told I.”
The dark elf spoke her language strangely and with an evil tone. He raised the knife towards Penny.
“Now what shall you tell me, little child?”

A shadow rose up behind the elf. A knife flashed in the darkness and Angri sagged forward.
“Schurft!” exclaimed Penny.
Indeed it was Schurft, the rat-hero. He drew his Skyre pistols and in one moment, three more elves lay dead. Ravening, raving the dark elves charged with their spears but Schurft was ready. He danced around them with the secret techniques of the ancient Eshin masters and stabbed them until they died.
When Penny opened her eyes there was only the Rat Hero standing in a circle of bodies.
“You should not have come here, Penny. This place is not safe for you.”
“Likewise!” she shrieked for she knew that the village, indeed the whole world hated Schurft for they did not understand him, only saw him as an abomination not the noble soul within. Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating Schurft’s bare chest, swollen with muscles.
“What must be done?” wondered Penny aloud.
“It is as I feared, Penny. The dark elves are trying to destroy the Orb and plunge the world into darkness. I have ridden three nights without sleep to stop them.”
“But they will kill you!”
“No Penny, you see there was a twin tailed comet when I was born prophesying great things in my future. So I was taken as a child and given genetic modifications by Clan Moulder, but Clan Eshin stole me and trained me to be the ultimate warrior. So there was an argument over who I would serve and for a while I went to Clan Pestilens to serve the horned god. But I knew I could not serve evil so I stole these guns from Clan Skyre and made my way to the surface where I vowed to protect humanity.”
Penny nodded, in awe of how handsome Schurft looked in the moonlight. She wondered how anyone could hate such a noble and handsome man.

Suddenly quiet night was destroyed as dark elves burst in.
“Go Penny! Light the orb! I will hold them off!”
Schurft assumed his dragon crouch and maximised his ninjutsu. Dark elves came from all sides now, vaulting through windows, sliding under rails. Only Schurft’s legendary Moulder toughness was strong enough to hold them back. The wounds from their poisoned blades closed fast and hit only when he let them. Their poison could not effect his massive constitution, fortified by his years as a plague monk. The human woman grabbed the orb of Zot from Angri’s dead body and whispered “Godspeed, Schurft.”
With that she climbed the final stairwell to the waiting receptacle. Schurft stood on the stairs and held back the wicked, cruel elves who had been tainted so long ago when their evil boss had tried to take over the world. All at once the elves fell away revealing none other than Malekith, king of the dark elves.
“Hahaha, I am so pleased to see you Schurft!”
Schurft brandished his weapons at the evil witch king “You will never win, Malekith! Even now Penny is lighting the orb.”
“You fool, Schurft. The orb was just a distraction for you see my goal all along was to get you here which you fell for.” Malekith brandished the Kingslayer, the weapon he had used to kill his own father with when he tried to take over the elf land “Now I will finish you and with that destroy and take over the world!”
Steel met steel as Malekith and Schurft clashed in the great lighthouse which was so big an entire carnosaur herd could have slept in it. The ringing of their weapons filled the entire arena. Malekith was cheered on by a horde of his evil followers, many of whom shook spears or other weapons encrusted with blood. Schurft barely missed falling off into a pit of spikes, and only his ninja reflexes kept him safe. Malekith swung wildly, drunk with power. Schurft ducked just in time. He darted around the evil elf. Then he stabbed him in the back. But at the last second he stopped!
“Turn around and face me, Malekith. Even you don’t deserve a coward’s death,” Schurft sounded just like his hero Raziel in Legacy of Kain.
Malekith turned around. Schurft quickly stabbed him in the front! Malekith fell down cursing.
“I’ll get you next time, Schurft!”
He disappeared in a puff of flame. Schurft was happy but also sad. He hoped to one day redeem the elf king who could not be so evil all the time.
“Schurft! You’re ok!” Penny rushed down the steps “I did what you said and lit the orb!”
“Ok,” said Schurft, he picked up Penny in both arms holding her like a bride “Now let’s get out of here.”
“Oh Schurft, take me away from this tiny place and my evil stepmother.”
“Ok,” said Schurft and he rode off with Penny on their motorbike.


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